I start a language lesson and when I’m giving the instructions for the first activity, the door opens and a student comes in. Knowing I hate unpunctuality, she essays an apology plus an excuse:

St: “Sorry, Adriana, but I ‘got laid’ (obviously the poor thing meant ‘late’ – but a fully long diphthong there plus a nonexistent last consonant changed the word completely!)

Me: (Lowering my glasses and fixing her with my stare – well, at least with one of my eyes!) “Well, well, well, I do like sincerity, but I don’t need to know THAT much!”